Second Story Nosedive

I Wonder If They'll Forget They Don't Have a Porch and Walk Out The Back Door


Anyone from the Chicagoland area with any knowledge of recent Chicago history is well aware that the porches in this city are not necessarily "built to last." Porch collapses have been a reoccurring theme for Chicago news. I've seen it in the news multiple times, but what comes to mind was the incident in June of 2003. 13 "young professionals" (as they were sympathetically labeled in a CBS news article from the next year) died in a porch collapse in Lincoln Park.

"Kyle, why the hell are you bringing up such a gruesome topic in the midst of all of our early summer fun?" you're probably asking yourself. Well, for one, I'm not on summer break yet so I don't care about your long bike rides, ice-cream saturated beach fun, or your all-night-booze-and-questionable-decions extravaganzas (talk to me in two weeks, though, and I'll probably be riding my bike, dripping with Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream, and paying a visit to my local Old Style distributor simaltaneously to accelerate my "questionable decisions" for the night). Really, though, I'm bringing this up because my neighbors next door are in the process of having a new porch built for them and this scares me for a few reasons.

First of all, my next door neighbors apartment building is owned by the same landlord (slumlord) as our two-flat. Our porches were nearly identical (same shit-brown paintjob and all) and looked as though they were built around the same time (1940s? Not really, but still). We live on the second floor of our apartment building and our porch is not exactly as "young and beautiful" as it used to be (Jesus, I'd love to see the way that shit-brown paintjob glistened in the sun in it's earlier years). A quick tour of the scars and battle wounds of our porch: A wooden "guard rail" that feels as though it's going to leap off the rest of the porch when you lean on it, the beautiful shit-brown paintjob has been worn away in many places on the floorboards (revealing the sad and stressed wood underneath), and let's just say that there are a few places where I can see directly through the floor (kinda like Porky's ... only you're just looking through a hole ... in the floorboards ... 20 feet from the ground).

Now I understand that this probably means that we're getting a new porch in the near future (it only seems like common sense, but then again not everyone is as rational as you or I), but I am still worried. In the near future (if summer break is not just a desert mirrage in my overly optimistic head) we will hopefully be having a decent amount of company at our place over the summer. I'm not saying, "I've got so many friends that we're gonna tear this shit to the ground," but I am saying that as the weather gets nicer, and assuming all of us are still smoking cigarettes (which is a valid assumption) and consuming beverages outside (not an assumption, more of a fact), then the chances of an "accident" occurring may be significantly greater. Not to mention that the wood was frozen solid for some-odd months, the pressure is changing, the temperature is rising, and I'm assuming this process of "ball-shattering winter to pig-sweat summer" stresses the (mostly exposed) wood that is my porch. Also, I can almost see all the way through were the porch meets the brick of the building, so maybe the porch won't collapse as much as just fall over to the side like one of those fainting goats that I've seen on youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg).

Nonetheless, I don't want to be on that ship when it sinks.

Svengoolie and the Island of Doctor Moreau

Somewhere around Lincoln Park Zoo. Photo by Kyle Geib

So, in the midst of all this end-of-the-year chickenshit bullshit that is college, I've been playing with this possible scenario that will not only relieve me of stress (in ways the hand can only dream of), but it will also end the career of Svengoolie. Not that I have anything personally against Sven (aside from the fact that I only caught the last 20 minutes of The Island of Doctor Moreau the other night), but I just feel like this upcoming scenario places him on the "prime suspect" list:

In order for this to work I need a few supplies:

about 20-25' of three-strand twisted rope
1 dress (preferably white to emphasize my naive and immaculate nature)
1 wig (brunette, because, obviously, this needs to be as realistic as possible)

I also need a working set of train tracks, which is no problem because the Metra to Kenosha is conveniently located directly next to my apartment

Ok, so it's as simple as this: Dress up real pretty (dress, wig, get my nails did, etc), tie myself up (or be assisted, although this now makes someone an accomplice), and simply lay on the tracks and wait until that train to the badger state whizzes past School and Ravenswood. I'm assuming it should look something like this:



Snidely Whiplash will, I'm assuming, duck any possible police suspicion because of the mere fact that a cartoon character could never defeat a real life human being like myself. In case you need some more reliable proof than my own, here is a conversation between two 12-year-old boys:

Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: Why not? I saw the other day. He was carrying five elephants in one hand!
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.

Obviously Teddy Duchamp never tells a lie.

Anyway, since Snidely Whiplash will not be a suspect in my "murder" (also eliminating the possibility that that no-good canuck Dudley Do-Right will show up and foil my plan) the possible suspects will be greatly narrowed. It will be clear to the authorities that whoever committed this crime must gallivant around town in a top hat and a goofy, curly mustache based on the nature of this crime. This leaves only Svengoolie and Skinny Puppy fans, and everybody knows Skinny Puppy fans are a bunch of pussies. From there the authorities will need no further proof.

So why, exactly did I just write a ridiculously long entry about framing Svengoolie for murder? I dunno, I guess I just really wanted to see The Island of Doctor Moreau in it's entirety.

Aside from that, everything's been just dandy.

The Shit Show.

A Bunch of Bastards Down At ISU. Photo by Kyle Geib

The Birthday Boy...errrr... Birthday Fool
This weekend we drove down to ISU for Max's 20th birthday. All I can say is that it was off-the-wall crazy. seriously, insane. In a good way, of course.

If anybody still reads this...

Hello, Blogger Peoples!

Hope all is well with everyone, I know everything is great on this side of the computer. I just wanted to ask anyone who still reads this to do me a favor. I'm trying to use my photography to help me pay for my schooling (DePaul is not cheap, and unfortunately money doesn't grow on trees!) and all I ask is that you visit the link I'm going to post and vote for my photographs. This would REALLY help me out! Thanks, friends, and Happy Holidays!!

Artist's Choice - Round 1 Brickfish

Really, he's still alive?

Edited a new picture.

I celebrated finishing my 12 page research paper on Cuban Communism for States, Markets, and Societies and decided to unwind by posting this, so enjoy!

Everything is really good, by the way, just really busy with school/work/social life.

Been way too long.

Here are some pictures I've been working on recently. I know it doesn't make up for this lengthy hiatus, but it's all I've got right now. I plan on putting some pictures up of the new apartment but I have to clean it before that happens!

Wow.

I know it's been forever, but here are some pictures I took for the band Seizethemoment (http://www.myspace.com/seizethemoment).

Everything else is good, i've just been super busy with school and my social life.

I promise you that I will write about this weekend and the South Side Irish Parade later, I just need a good chunk of time to write it. Get ready for it, it's a pretty good story.

Long time, No blog . . .

I know I've been neglecting this here photoblog, but I've been uber-busy with school lately. Being on the quarter system, finals and large papers come up really quick. Oh course, that isn't a true blue excuse anyway, because I have been doing alot of interesting things lately.

A few weeks ago I finally visited U of I for the first time (this is where I took that picture you're looking at). I drove down with Liz and her dad because we were going to visit Noonan and Megan for the weekend. I had a pretty good time, but honestly I don't remember much. The drive down made me pretty parched and I hit the whiskey both to fast and to hard. Long story short, I woke up and took a good couple minutes to try to process where I was and how I had gotten there.

But yeah, things are good.

Re-edited a photograph i took in Colorado.

More Lake

So the first image was taken from the planetarium campus, i thought it was interesting to compare this photograph from the others i took at the lake in Lincoln Park. Different perspective, different time of day, different atmosphere.

I DID go to the Planetarium, and I have to say, if you haven't been there yet you should really plan on going. There is a spectacular show called "Night Sky Live!", which ended up being the stars that would be visible in Chicago if there was no light pollution. Very cool. I have a feeling that the reason I loved the planetarium so much is because looking at the stars is one of the few things I've missed while living here in the city. Something in me will always love clear, suburban nights.

Last night I ended up seeing Lucero and Hot Water Music at the Metro. It was kind of on short notice, but it was worth it. I really like Lucero, if you like Uncle Tupelo then it's likely you will appreciate Lucero. Hot Water Music was outstanding, it was nice to see them play together since they've broken up. Chuck Ragan has to be one of the kindest people I've ever seen, it's always a great experience watching him perform.

One more thing: Tuesday is the Primary. Who's excited? I know I am!

Frozen Lake Set

I woke up this morning and decided to be productive by walking down to the lake and trying to get some good shots before the ice began to melt. These are what I came up with. I really like alot of them, but don't be surprised if you see some of them "reworked" in the next few days or weeks.

Jerry Springer was good, by the way. Absolutely hysterical. It was obviously set-up and a load of staged hooey, but nevertheless a great time. Had some great laughs, got to shake Jerry's hand, and got to chant at an "obese hispanic wife of a truck driver who hosts hotel sex parties with other women to relieve her sexual desires while he husband is away". We chanted whimsical phrases at her such as "Bark like a dog!" and "Oink like a pig!", all under the carefully orchestration of Todd, the Unit Manager. I had no idea how carefully scripted the show was, but I don't think it bothered me that much.

P.S. If you understand the concept of Jerry Beads then you need to understand how many of those women will probably make it on TV on account of how vile and decrepit they were.

Edit

So here is a photo that I re-edited on the train. I like this one better than the others.

On a completely unrelated note to my pointless description of my photograph, I am going to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show tomorrow. I'll just let that soak in . . .

Pat's

I just walked half a mile more than a needed on this obscenely freezing day.

Here we go again . . .

So the past few weeks have been an unimaginable blur of reform and change. New classes, new weather, some newly acquired friends, and a new start (for what would the new year be without a new start?). Classes are good this quarter, really thought provoking, although they require a much higher workload of reading.

So, to be more specific, yesterday night kicked ass. I made a quick and sudden decision to head home (actually DeKalb) on Sunday with Margie, Becky, and Holly to go see Sundowner at the House Cafe. What a good decision. Captain and Slurpees, Chris McCaughan and Pitchers, and Friends and Music. Although attending the show required a car ride back to DePaul today at 6am, it ended up being well worth the sleep deprivation.

Ok, so these pictures are just pictures randomly taken this year so far.

Enjoy!

Happy New Years!

My New Years Resolution is a bit tricky to put into words, but I did make another:

This will no longer be a "photo a DAY" blog. I feel that towards the end of the year my camera had become a slight burden. I was always torn between taking my camera or leaving it behind. In a way, my camera became my child. If I brought my camera with I was obligated to watch over it, and I feel like that inhibited my ability to truly enjoy myself.

So what will become of this blog? I'm hoping that I can refine and condense my work into a more thoughtful portfolio. I plan on only adding or updating photographs that I feel good about; which means no more posting for the sake of posting!

Another hope for this blog is to WRITE MORE!

Anyways, I hope everyone's New Years was a great as mine. Drink lots of water, and maybe take a few tylenol or something.

New Years Eve

New Years Eve is always a sudden rush to construct some sort of plan. There are so many things running through everyone's head.

My New Years Eve was great, and is best compared to my favorite New Years song ever by the Lawrence Arms:

Where have I been all your life?
Sitting on fences, a novocaine for all the senses.
Another year will pass us by.
Making sense of nothing, in defense of something.
I laughed too late and dug myself into a grave.
This year I'll try not to think too much.
This year I'll try to stand up for myself.
This year I'll live like I've never lived before,
this is my year for sure.
Another stupid clumsy story.
More accidental aspirations.
Another explosion of silence.
I think I'm going deaf, or maybe I'm just hearing less.
This year I'll try to only listen to myself.
This year I'll try not to think too much.
This year I'll try to stand up for myself.
This year I'll live like I've never lived before,
this is my year for sure.
I wonder where you'll be bringing in the new year.
As midnight clocks are singing,
good chance I'll be slobbering somewhere.
Probably pass out, wasted, and sleeping until the smoke clears.
Vague memories of midnight flash in tune to morning sunlight.
Wake up knowing you'll never be there.
I've got 100 resolutions, but I've got no solutions.
I've got one song I write 100 times.
And only a dozen or so rhymes.
This year I'll try not to drink so much.
This year I'll try to stand up straight.
This year let's live liked we've never lived before,
this is our year for sure.

Vomit